


i can't live without you.

by enaisnotfeelingverywell



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crying, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, They are so in love your honor, bokuto koutarou is akaashi keiji's sunshine, don't make them suffer, i love them so much pls, this is just basically bokuaka being soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26882638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enaisnotfeelingverywell/pseuds/enaisnotfeelingverywell
Summary: 3 times where akaashi met, fell in love and became lovers with bokuto.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 29





	i can't live without you.

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR MY DEAREST FRIEND BEREN. I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT !! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♡.
> 
> trigger warning for past bullying. my first language isn't english so im sorry for any mistakes !!

When akaashi first met with bokuto, he was 15.

15, the age when you go to the hell aka high school. As a student who was already bullied before high school, akaashi could tell that it was gonna be even worse. And he wasn't surprised when the school was exactly like how he thought.  
  
There were bullies everywhere, and they looked at him like they already chose their target. That target being him of course.  
  
"Hey, quiet one! Why don't you speak a little more? Or don't you have a mouth! Hahaha!"  
  
Everyone near them laughed, not because the joke was funny, mostly because they didn't wanna get bullied too.  
  
But akaashi was used to this, so he didn't mind it. He knew doesn't minding it will piss them more and the bullying will be even more tough. But he didn't care at this point. He just wanted to go home. And cry. Real quick.  
  
Akaashi used to be a kid who'd express his emotions very loudly and clear. But in the past people bullied him for it and that made him lost this trait. He made himself a closed book who showed himself as a person who doesn't have emotions. But when he came home every day, he cried for over an hour saying why these always happen to me, was i born cursed...  
  
But this day didn't go like how he expected.  
  
"What are you guys doing? Will you leave him alone!"  
  
A guy who had a very strange black and white hair spoke up for him. In the middle of the whole school canteen. That was, unexpected.  
  
"Bokuto-san! We're very sorry." Then the guys went away quickly. Bokuto, the guy who kinda saved him came to him and sit right beside him.  
  
"I'm sorry. They think that bullying people would make them look cooler. Ridiculous, right? I mean why would being mean to someone would make you look like a badass? You'll just look like an asshole and that's nowhere near being cool. Oh by the way what was your name? Are you a first year?"  
  
He talks so fast, jumps from topics to topics and has an energy that doesn't seem to die soon, akaashi thinks. He thinks that he can't keep up with him.  
  
"My name is akaashi keiji and i'm a first year. I was fine with them but still thank you for doing that."  
  
He looked at akaashi like he finally found something he was interested in. Something that was worth it. Akaashi didn't understand.  
  
"You're a very interesting person, did you know?"  
  
Akaashi answered with an uninterested tone. "Yeah, a lot of people tell me that then stay away from me. It's mostly because i'm-"  
  
"Silent all the time?" He asked with a knowingly smile. Akaashi was once again, surprised by this stranger.  
  
"Well, it's not like i mind it. I actually enjoy your silence. I mean, it wouldn't be too great to have two talkative people in one conversation right? One have to listen and i really suck at it so a lot of people just doesn't listen to me completely. It feels nice to have someone who'd listen to you. Would you listen me?"  
  
Akaashi was having surprises each word he spoke. He was like a float serve, akaashi had no idea about what he was about to do now. But then, somewhere along deep in his heart said go along with him, so he did.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Bokuto's face lightened with joy. "Really? Are you for sure? Haha! I'm so happy everybody refused me when i said this to them, you're the only one who accepted it! You're really a special one aren't you."  
  
Akaashi said to himself, don't believe him. He'll probably show his actual face later. He's just a stranger don't be stupid, don't be stupid, don't be stupi-  
  
"Also from now on you don't need to worry about bad guys! I'll protect you from them always!"  
  
The second later bokuto grabbed akaashi's wrist and took him in school garden. They spent their remaining time there before going to their classes. When the bell rang bokuto yelled his name and said which class he was in then went away.  
  
All of these just happened so quickly that akaashi didn't process it until classes started and when he did he spent his hours thinking about how weird bokuto was instead of actually focusing on classes.  
  
The most weird thing was akaashi didn't cry when he went home that day.  
  
When akaashi first realized that he was in love with bokuto, he was 16.  
  
Akaashi's mom and dad were going to stay at their friend's house today and when bokuto heard that he demanded to make a sleepover even though akaashi refused it multiple times but still bokuto was bokuto and akaashi couldn't refuse him for too long even if he wanted to.  
  
Since akaashi was against it at first, bokuto agreed to bring everything they needed in the night. That contained movies, games and snacks.  
  
It was a normal sleepover for them, well maybe not for akaashi afterwards.  
  
After waiting for a while bokuto finally came with a lot of bags. Akaashi helped him to carry them and put the bags in corridor.  
  
Everything went pretty normal after that. They watched movies, played games and ate snacks. Now they were in the sleeping phase of the sleepover.  
  
Well they were supposed to be if bokuto knew how to shut his mouth.  
  
"Say, akaashi. Did a lot of people do bad things to you before me? Just like how they did in the first day of the school?"  
  
The question was out of nowhere. Akaashi was now used to bokuto's random questions but this subject was his trauma so it kinda wrecked him.  
  
After don't having an answer for 2 minutes bokuto started to panic. "I'm really sorry if i went too far away! I promise i won't-"  
  
"Yes they did."  
  
Silence. Now being the one wrecked was bokuto. He didn't know what to say to this. How should he comfort him? But that'd make him look like he pity akaashi. Or not comfort him? But he'd be rude if he didn't do anything.  
  
Akaashi understood that bokuto was struggling about what to say so he continued. "I guess i looked like the perfect target to being bullied so that's why they did."  
  
Bokuto looked him in the eye. "What did they do?"  
  
"Just mental pressure, i think. Saying stuff like why are you so quiet, are you even a real human being and stuff."  
  
Akaashi smiled while remembering those days. The days when he cried every night. They felt so far away now. He used to cry every single night back then, which he stopped doing since 7 months ago. Aka, the moment he met with bokuto.  
  
When he looked at bokuto, he saw him crying.  
  
Akaashi was shocked, to be exact. No one in his life had cried for him. Bokuto was a first. He was really an another kind.  
  
"Wait, bokuto-san? Why are you crying? It's okay now, i'm over it."  
  
But bokuto didn't stop crying there. Even though he really didn't like physical contact, he hugged him to calm him down.  
  
It had been a while since akaashi hugged someone. He didn't even remember the last time. Maybe when he was 3 years old he did it with his mother? He had no idea.  
  
He patted bokuto's head to comfort him more. He had no idea why, but he did.  
  
Bokuto spoke between his sobs. "Why didn't you said anything to them? You could've tell them to back off, why did you let them do this to you?"  
  
Akaashi was confused. "Do me what?"  
  
"Make you shut up! You thought that i didn't notice it right, about why you were this silent."  
  
Akaashi was surprised by bokuto once again. Bokuto continued to talking.  
  
"They probably bullied you into shutting yourself, don't showing your emotions to anyone. Like, i haven't see you smile or laugh for real ever since we were friends! Do you have any idea about how sad that is. I was thinking about it for a long time now and when you admit that this casually it kinda makes me mad but even sadder!"

They stayed like that for a while. Waiting for bokuto to calm down and for akaashi to actually think about what was happening.  
  
Bokuto did something that no one ever did him to him again. Everyone was fine with akaashi seeming like a cold person. Even his parents didn't mind it. In the past, it hurt akaashi very much. He waited for someone to say something to him, to give him a reason to turn to his normal self. But no one did. No one came to akaashi and saved him from his own deep dead end.

Until now.  
  
Bokuto came to his life in a flash and changed everything. He gave him everything he wanted. He cared for him, he cried for him, he never leaved him alone and akaashi could felt that bokuto saw him as one of the most important persons in his world.  
  
He looked at bokuto in the eyes with a real smile in his face. "Thank you, koutarou."  
  
Then akaashi hugged him once again. But this time he hugged him really tight, it was like he didn't want him to go away, he was scared for him to go away.  
  
After hugging for a while again they finally decided to sleep for real. When akaashi was going to doze off, bokuto spoke again.  
  
"Call me koutarou when we're alone from now on."  
  
He quietly nodded. "Then you can call me keiji too."  
  
Bokuto looked at akaashi's eyes, his eyes were sparkling. "Really, can i for real!?"  
  
"Yes, if only i were to call you by your first name it wouldn't be fair."  
  
He stood up and jumped quickly in the bed saying yes then laid near to akaashi, hugging him from behind.  
  
Bokuto slept like 5 minutes after that. Akaashi was still too busy in his thoughts to sleep. He was too embarrassed from the position they were in.  
  
Ah, he really liked him. More than a friend.  
  
Akaashi was 17 years old when he was too scared to let go of bokuto.  
  
Akaashi had no fears as long as he would remember. Nothing scared him, at least more than himself.  
  
But that day, he was too anxious even thinking about it. He wanted it to disappear, act like it never existed, it will never exist.  
  
But he couldn't make himself believe in his own lies anymore. That day finally came, and akaashi was beyond terrible. The graduation day.  
  
Akaashi finally had one fear and it was leaving bokuto.  
  
The worst thing was, bokuto invited akaashi to his graduation party. The invitation card was still on his desk and akaashi was constantly looking at it with literal terror.  
  
If he didn't go, bokuto would be really worried, he would come to akaashi's home for sure and would knock the door till he opened it and would repeatedly ask why he didn't go.  
  
If he went, bokuto would be really happy, he would give akaashi cakes every time he saw him, but akaashi's mental state would go worse with every passing moment, remembering that this will be the last time he will see bokuto as normal as it was before.  
  
Akaashi's head ached real hard, he was sure it was gonna explode soon with overthinking.  
  
He started to cry, sob actually. It's been a while since he cried. The last time he cried was because of a test result 9 months ago, his mother called bokuto after hearing his sobs and he immediately came to him. Hugging him real tight, saying comforting things, assuring him that he will do amazing the next time, also offering him to study with him.  
  
He had bokuto that time, but he didn't have him now. Probably never anymore.  
  
He won't see bokuto for one year, he will go to college and akaashi will still be in high school, and who knows if they will go to the same college? He won't see him at least 1 year or worse more.  
  
Even if they will be in contact with messages and stuff bokuto will meet new amazing people there and probably will decide akaashi isn't good enough then cut his ties with him slowly.  
  
It hurts to think about, it burns to imagine.  
  
Akaashi finally decides.  
  
He won't go.  
  
He can't go.  
  
He couldn't bear to see his face one more time, it would hurt even more to let go.  
  
Then akaashi finally realized, he was addicted to bokuto and bokuto was an addiction he needs to stop at.  
  
Hours passed, crying on the bed. His mom came 3 times just to check if he was alive. She kinda understood how it was to let go of a really dear friend.  
  
Well, bokuto wasn't just a "friend" to akaashi but the point still stands.  
  
He tried to listen music to at least get a little bit of emotional support but instead he opened his sad song playlist then ended up crying even more.  
  
It was 1 am now, the party should end in a close time. His crying finally stopped and after 7 hours of crying, don't worry he also drew, ate food and listened music while crying he didn't just cry, he finally had the courage to open his phone.  
  
The first thing he saw was 45 missed calls and 107 messages from bokuto. Haha, great, just as akaashi expected. Bokuto was worried so bad.  
  
He tried to look at other things and saw a lot of his friends also messaged him too, well probably bokuto forced them to do it but anyways.  
  
Akaashi didn't know what to do, if he called bokuto back, he would immediately open it and ask why he didn't come. What was akaashi gonna say? "Sorry, i was too depressed thinking about our departure that i couldn't come and cried at home for 7 hours instead"?  
  
So he decided to just close his phone and turn back to his numbness after crying.  
  
God he hated it so much, when he cried so hard at something he would feel numb afterwards. Just, nothing. Empty. Blank.  
  
Then his door opened with his mom, a guest near her.  
  
That guest wasn't supposed to be here and wasn't supposed to see him in this condition.  
  
His mother silently closed the door and now the guest and akaashi was alone.  
  
"Keiji, why?"  
  
"Koutarou i can-"  
  
"NO YOU CAN'T. You can't explain and you know that too."  
  
Akaashi was silent.  
  
"It was supposed to be my happiest day, i was supposed to finish it with singing bad pop songs in karaoke, if a certain person didn't mess it up."  
  
"I was so worried keiji, so worried. I called you every time i was off, i messaged you every time i had time but you never answered."  
  
"I thought i did something wrong, i thought something happened to you, i thought you did something to yourself. It was hell keiji. That 5 hours of my life was hell and it's all thanks to you."  
  
"But you know what hurt most? Seeing you like this. The fact that i know this is a result of crying for hours is even hurts more. Why keiji, why?"  
  
Akaashi could feel his anger increasing. How can he not understand the reason he was like this? Was he blind?  
  
Then akaashi exploded.  
  
"Do you really can't understand? I can't believe i have to spell it out for you. We are leaving kou. We won't see each for a long time, even years maybe. And even if we chatted you would probably get bored of me as soon as you meet new friends, friends that are much better than me, then you'll leave me completely koutarou! I have no friends except you and.."  
  
"And?"  
  
Akaashi sighed. "And i would be lonely... again. I don't wanna cry every night again, i don't wanna turn back to how i was in the middle school. I'm... scared."  
  
Akaashi noticed he started crying again. Bokuto wiped his tears and looked at him with such caring eyes.  
  
Then he laughed.  
  
"Did you really think all that?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Did you really think that i would cut my ties with you just because i met with 'cooler' people? Haha, just hearing it makes me wanna laugh."  
  
Akaashi looked at him with a confused look.  
  
"We can be very stupid sometimes keiji."  
  
"What do you mean koutarou?"  
  
"I mean that you weren't the only one who thought all of that."  
  
"To be honest, i was thinking about this everyday for a long time but the opposite. I thought you would cut your ties with me since you finally had no reason to associate with me anymore. I was.. scared too."  
  
Akaashi was speechless. Bokuto was right, they really were stupid.  
  
"But just know that even if we won't see each other for a while, i will still bore you everyday with my messages, call you every time i'm off, try to meet with you in every chance i have. I will never leave you."  
  
"Well actually, you know what? I can't leave you, because i love you."  
  
Then he kissed him. Well, that wasn't exactly a kiss, it was more of a peck.  
  
Akaashi cried like fifteenth time that day. But this time he was in the arms of his lover so it was all okay.  
  
everything was fine when it was together.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! please write what are you thinking about in the comments and thank you again if you leaved kudos !! ❤


End file.
